


Insecure

by IttyBittyTeapot (LittleSeedofDarkness)



Series: Canonverse Drabbles [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Romance, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Romance, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSeedofDarkness/pseuds/IttyBittyTeapot
Summary: Levi isn't an idiot, he knows how this works, and between him and Eren’s efforts, they’ve somehow managed to get their clothes off. It was graceless and messy, and it feels like it took them a year to get naked and horizontal, but it’s done now, and the feeling of warm flesh against warm flesh is something that’s taking his breath away. It clears out his lungs in a fashion that facing down a Titan never has, makes his fingers tremble more than slicing into a nape.





	Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> Just finishing up some of these half finished short works I have in my computer. More awkward Levi for your reading pleasure. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. <3 <3 <3

  Levi isn't an idiot, he knows _how_ this works, and between him and Eren’s efforts, they’ve somehow managed to get their clothes off. It was graceless and messy, and it feels like it took them a year to get naked and horizontal, but it’s done now, and the feeling of warm flesh against warm flesh is something that’s taking his breath away. It clears out his lungs in a fashion that facing down a Titan never has, makes his fingers tremble more than slicing into a nape.

  He doesn’t know how to touch Eren while he feels like this though. His eyes look down somewhere near Eren’s chest, and he’s glad Eren’s leaning up and kissing his neck once again, so he doesn't have to keep trying to look into his eyes.

  This all seems so natural to Eren, and it’s so not to Levi. He’s busy thinking too hard, knows where both of his hands are, exactly what each finger is doing as they press into Eren’s sides, and he’s hyper-aware that he’s sort of wrapping his right leg around Eren’s left in an attempt to get some leverage.

  His face feels hot, his chest is hammering, and no matter how many times he tries, he can't swallow down the lump in his throat. Eren has a lot going for him, he’s young and gorgeous and amazing. Levi, on the other hand, is already past his mid-thirties, he’s scarred and damaged and isn't good at expressing himself. He doesn't understand why Eren’s interested, is sure he’s going to end up the one hurt in the end.

  If he were great at this, it might give Eren a reason to linger, but Levi’s not had the kind of life that’s given him much time for sex. He can't even kiss right, ends up bashing his teeth against Eren’s when he gets too carried away for a moment.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles against Eren’s lips, feels completely inept then wishes he hadn’t said it at all.

  “Tch,” Eren gently chides, tosses the little sound he’s heard directed at himself for years back at Levi, takes Levi’s face between his hands, looks in his eyes. “I’m not.”

  The smile on Eren’s face is so open and warm, make’s Levi’s chest ache with affection. He could almost trick himself into believing this isn't a passing fancy for the younger man. Could almost make himself believe that Eren can see completely past the tired circles under his eyes, past all his flaws, past the fact that he really has no idea what he’s doing.

  His whole body is shaking, even his tongue is he realizes as he licks into Eren’s mouth. Perhaps Eren hasn't noticed or doesn't care because he’s kissing Levi back like he can't get enough, holding tighter and making beautiful little sounds that have Levi's cock aching even through the anxiety.

  He’s done this a few times before, though not with anyone he cared about, and doing this with Eren is entirely different. He doesn't want to hurt him, doesn't want to fuck it up, he wants to be _good_ at it.

  One problem is that Eren is practically begging now, pushing his hips up against Levi’s, sliding their dicks against each other and it’s making it difficult for Levi to decide what to do next.

  Levi’s kissing Eren’s jaw, figured out Eren likes it when he drags his teeth across there. There’s some confidence building, but the whispered, “fuck me” Levi hears as nails drag down his back is enough to nearly shatter it.

  He can't stifle the noise that comes from his own mouth, how his cock suddenly feels like it’s going to explode and his stomach tightens way too much. He was working his way up to that part, but Eren’s twisting beneath him needy and pleading, grinding his hips up, so Levi’s balls are sliding against his ass.

  There’s a moment when Levi almost panics, wonders what the hell he’s going to use because he can’t fuck him without stretching him first and using spit for any of it is out of the question. He sits back on his knees, looks up, avoids glancing at Eren flushed and sprawled out on his bed.

  He’s sitting there chewing his lip, getting frustrated, but then Eren’s hand is on his, lacing their fingers together.

  “Levi?” There’s uncertainty in Eren’s voice, and Levi hates that he’s so unprepared for this.

  “We need something, I can't just…”

  Levi glances at Eren, feels like he probably seems utterly pathetic.

  “Oh, there’s a vial of oil in my pocket.”

  Fuck, Eren carries oil around, must get laid all the time. The idea of it actually makes Levi jealous, and he hates that he’s allowed himself to get so invested.

  “I grabbed it before I came here, in case… we, you know,” Eren shrugs, blushes when Levi finally looks at him again relieved.

  There is a bit of unthinking bravery fueled by the fact that Eren came prepared for this when Levi retrieves the oil, but as he moves back between Eren’s legs, fingers nearly dripping, he’s not so sure what to do. He knows what he’s supposed to do, but he’s over analyzing how to proceed, and it’s stupid as hell.

  Eren reaches his hand out toward his, but Levi pulls it away, he doesn't need Eren to lead him down there. His whimpering and the way he can't lay still on the bed is invitation enough, and the way Levi’s own cock is practically dripping gives him the last kick of motivation he needs.

  It’s easier to send the butterflies away and not fucking think when he can bury his face in Eren’s neck, breathe him in, so he drapes himself over Eren, arms going tight around Levi before he carefully presses a finger inside.

  Eren stiffens, Levi’s stops, is sure he’s somehow screwed this up.

  “I'm all right.”

  It’s a hot little puff against his ear, and Levi shakily begins to press in deeper, stops being so unsure when Eren takes his lips, tenses his thighs tight around him.

  It takes less time than Levi expects before Eren is asking for more, and he barely hesitates before he’s giving it to him, asking if it feels alright against Eren’s cheek. He thinks he’s figuring out how to read Eren, but he wants to be sure.

  He’s still not completely confident, there are times he stops, and Eren tightens up around him everywhere, looks like he’s grinding his teeth in annoyance, but mostly Eren is whimpering against him. Crying into his mouth, and Levi’s pushing his cock down against him. Didn't even realize he let go just a little and started doing it without thinking.

  When he finally can't take it anymore and need overrides apprehension, Levi leans back, wraps an oily hand around himself, shakes so hard he feels like he’s going to fly apart. He drops the fucking bottle of oil on the bed as it slips from fumbling fingers because Eren’s saying he can't wait anymore. He glares at the spot where it spilled on the sheets, curses trembling, nervous greasy fingers and takes the deepest breath he has in years.

  Eren’s whole body feels like it’s on fire once Levi is plastered down over him again, arms and legs are snaking around him, pulling tighter, so close he can barely inch his hips back far enough to get the head of his cock against Eren’s ass.

  If he crosses this line, there’s no going back. He’ll never be able to crush it all back into that box he’s locked it away in. They’ve come back from a lot. From the beating in the courtroom to the rooftop, but Levi’s not confident he’ll come back from this. He’s tossing a coin, and there’s half a chance this will ruin them. It won't be Eren’s fault, Levi knows he’s the one who will implode, the one who might be walking face first into his own destruction.

  He swallows hard as he nudges against Eren, pauses for a moment, because Eren is pressing down against Levi with his legs, trying to push him in. Levi pushes right back, resists and kisses Eren hard. It’s sloppy and unrefined, but it doesn't matter because it distracts Eren for long enough to allow Levi to do it on his own. He breaches him slowly, pulls back a little before moving forward inch by inch, feels his chest constrict just a little when Eren whines high-pitched against his mouth and bites his lip.

  There’s a moment after their hips meet that Levi is confident he’s going to come as soon as he starts moving. Eren is so warm, and he’s clamping down around him, and it feels so good that he’s not quite sure he won't lose it right then and there.

  The pace is smooth at first, gets stuttered as they cling to each other and Levi starts to forget. Forgets how much he has never done this before with a person he loves. For a second Levi worries if he’s doing it right, but Eren is looking in his eyes, crying out, bruising Levi’s skin with presses of his teeth and fingers, and just rises up against him. Makes his chest feel like it’s going to burst, and he doesn't care anymore, can't even think.

  He realizes he’s grabbed Eren’s cock without thinking about it first, isn’t sure how long he they’ve been fucking when he feels Eren tense up, all his muscles tightening beneath Levi, feels like something ripples down his body. He’s glad for it because he’s been doing everything he can to keep going and keep himself from pushing past the point of no return. The first pulse around his cock is enough to make his hips twitch involuntarily forward, and he’s going right over the edge along with Eren.

  If Levi could stay where he is forever, he would. Eren is warm and safe, and his arms feel like home. He should just enjoy this, bask in the pleasant buzz that’s still winding its way through his body, how his head is light, the still warm tingle way down low in his gut.

  As much as it was beautiful and laying in Eren’s arms is, there are heaviness and something that feels like regret, and Levi tries to hide it, tries to stash it away where he stashes all the feelings he can’t quite figure out how to deal with.

  “What’s wrong?” Eren asks into Levi’s hair, strokes fingertips down his back.

  Of course, Eren would know something was wrong.

  Levi shouldn't say it, it’s too honest, might make Eren feel obligated. He’s had this, can still enjoy Eren’s arms wrapped around him and feeling the beat of his heart against his cheek for the moment.

  He pulls his legs in a little tighter, curls his hand up near his face, and Eren’s still stroking up and down his back waiting for him to say something.

  “Was it so terrible?” Eren asks, only sounds like he’s half joking.

  “No, it wasn't.” Levi’s quiet for a moment while he resists the urge to press himself closer to Eren. “I’m… I’m trying to figure out why you’re here.”

  “Do you want me to go?” Eren asks, and Levi hears something in his voice that makes his heart hurt. Still, it doesn’t mean anything other than Levi has caught the younger man off guard.

  “No. What I mean, is why me?” Levi’s whispers.

  “If you hadn't noticed, I’ve been in love with you for a few years,” Eren confesses.

  The words take a moment to register, and even when they do, Levi doesn’t completely believe them. Not because he thinks Eren is a liar, but it’s too improbable that Levi wouldn’t have noticed.

  “You’re full of shit, Brat,” Levi says, though he doesn’t quite believe the words falling from his mouth. Not with the way Eren is pulling him tighter to him.

  “I’m not full of shit, but you’re blind,” Eren says, presses a kiss to Levi’s forehead, and it feels like he’s afraid. “The only question I have is if… do you maybe love me too?”

  “If I’m blind, then so are you if you had to ask that.” It was coarser than Levi would have liked, but he’s not eloquent, and for a moment he fears Eren may have taken it to mean the opposite.

  It’s only the feel of his chin being tipped up, and silky lips gently meeting his own which tells Levi that Eren understood exactly what he was saying.


End file.
